Styles and Tazz welcome us to the show and hype Sandman vs. Big Show in the main event.

Tonight’s special guest is Jim Ross. BOOMER SOONER BAH GAWD~!

JR: Boy I gotta tell you, it is great to be back in Tulsa. I want to thank Joey and Tazz for allowing me to be here, as I started my career here in Mid-South. A long time ago, and I am a big fan of ECW. This style reminds me of…

Matt Striker makes his way out.

STRIKER: I am out here at the behest of Paul Heyman to educate you Mr. Ross and to teach all of the ignorant masses. I am a boneified NY School teacher. After listening to you it is apparent that just like all of these people you lack education. It is fitting that you are wearing blue, because you are blue collar. You champion hard work and morals. I bet you enjoy alcohol as well. You remind me of Sandman with his beer and cane. Getting this close to you I see you are an old man, where is you cane? Oh, you just have a ridiculous hat.

Sandman appears and Striker begs off to JR…and Sandman nails Striker and hands the cane to JR! Sandman holds him and JR NAILS Striker! BOOMER SOONER! Striker escapes.

JR: Before we drink, I want to toast the next ECW champion…THE BAH GAWD SANDMAN!

Sandman and JR share a beer.

We get a commercial for the Eric Bishoff book. He’s shootin and people will be pissed off.

Back from commercial and in 2-weeks, we will get Extreme Strip Poker. Perhaps bondage will be involved.

Holly is in the back. He will not tell RVD what he is going to do, he’ll show him.

Highlights of Holly costing RVD his match with King Booker.

EXTREME RULES: RVD vs. Hardcore Holly

Lock up and off the ropes and an arm drag by RVD. Spinkick by RVD and he yells at Holly. Holly back with rights, off the ropes and a counter and superkick by RVD. Clothesline to Holly and he is kicked to the floor. Holly pulls RVD to the floor as RVD celebrated, rights by Holly but RVD suplexes Holly onto the barrier…spinning leg drop from the apron connects. RVD now looks for toys and gets a table. He sets it up and Holly nails him in the back. RVD is slammed to the steps and then chops by Holly. Holly then whips RVD to the steel post. Back into the ring now and a leg drop and cover for 2 by Holly. To the corner and RVD fights back and connects with rights. A whip and Holly nails RVD with a boot to the head. Holly chokes RVD over the middle rope now. Camel clutch variant by Holly, RVD fights and gets the ropes. Holly doesn’t break and RVD gets to his feet and escapes. Clothesline by Holly and RVD is down. Boots by Holly and RVD tries to fight back again. Elbow by Holly and RVD is down again and Holly covers for 2. RVD with rights, off the ropes and Holly to the apron and they brawl… Holly tries a suplex through the table…and it CONNECTS, DAMN! We head to commercial @ 6:40.

Back @ 9:58 with Holly in control and bleeding pretty damn well from the back as his back is SLASHED open, like it is almost 10-inches of cut! He drops RVD throat first onto a chair. Holly lays the chair across RVD and goes to the 2nd rope…ALABAMA JAM connects, 1…2…NO! Holly grabs RVD, suplex try…countered and RVD suplexes Holly onto the chair! Holly with rights now, RVD fights back and they trade shots. RVD with repeated shots and clotheslines to Holly. Off the ropes and a rolling monkey flip by RVD. RVD up top…leaping sidekick to Holly! RVD has the chair…running basement dropkick connects! That was harsh. RVD has the chair, lays it on Holly and gets Rolling Thunder for 2! RVD with the chair again, lays it down…leaps and Holly catches him and POWERBOMBS him onto the chair! 1…2…NO! Kick by RVD and Holly is down. RVD lays the chair on him, goes up top…Frog Splash but Holly tosses the chair into RVD’s face! Holly covers 1…2…NO! Holly goes for the Alabama Slam, countered and then Holly gets the chair…VAN DAMNINATOR~! RVD up top…FROG SPLASH! 1…2…3!

Winner: RVD @ 17:40 via pin

Trainers rush out to check on Holly and start to wrap up his back as we get replays of the action. Holly is helped to his feet and gets a great ovation.

We see CM Punk in the back. He’s straight edge, I got it. He is addicted to competition and ECW. He wants the best like RVD, Sabu, The Big Show and Sandman. Kelly Kelley is here, she loves his “ink.” She promotes the strip poker and wants some help with learning strip poker. Knox is here and is pissed. Punk says he has his own women and Knox needs a higher fence because Kelly wants in his yard. Knox says Punk is lucky because he has to straighten Kelly out, but when he is done he will come looking for Punk. Punk says he’ll be ready.

Back from commercial with more Marine Propaganda!

Ariel on the mic. She read Francine’s tarot cards and it says she will be fat, ugly and pregnant, wishing she was with someone like Thorn.

EXTREME CAT FIGHT: Ariel w/Thorn vs. Francine

Francine attacks…CATFIIIIGHT! Francine strips some stuff off of Ariel, knee and a toss by Francine. Mount and a choke and Thorn is in and grabs Francine and they beat her down. Ball sis here and lays out Thorn with a chair.

Winner: No Contest @ 0:50

Balls checks on Francine.

We get a video package for the Sandman.

In the back Heyman is with Big Show. He knows Sandman will use the cane. Show is not worried, he’s the champ and a giant. If Sandman uses the cane, Show will make him a Popsicle. He tells Paul and the boys to stay backstage and that he wants the cane to be legal!

Back from commercial and Rene Dupree walks out of the shower, with towel. He says he is extreme and then checks to see if he has any balls left after all the steroid use.

They head to a commercial before the match begins.

ECW TITLE MATCH – Singapore Cane Legal: The Sandman vs. The Big Show ©

We are J.I.P with Sandman caning the hell out of Show. Sandman works the legs with the cane and finally takes Show down and to the floor. Sandman follows and nails him in the back of the head. Sandman with more shots and Show is now busted open. Sandman covers for 1. Styles tells us Holly needed 24 stitches in his back to close the gash he got and that it was deep into the fatty tissues. Damn. Show back with chops and the bloody giant is angry and in control, dropping Sandman with chops. More head butts by Show, rights now and Sandman is down. Eye poke by Sandman, rights and lefts to Show and then Show levels Sandman with a clothesline. Slam by Show. He kicks away the cane and big rights to Sandman. Sandman tires to battle back with rights and lefts, off the ropes…GOOZLE by Show, escape and a DDT by Sandman! He has the cane and works over Show with it again. Up top…CANE SHOT to the head and Show is down! Sandman grabs his knee right away and manages a cover for 2. He tries to get the cane again and Striker is here to take it away. Clothesline by Show. Cobra Clutch Back breaker by Show into the submission and Show picks him up and gets the standing leg drop (Showstopper) and covers for the win.

Winner: The Big Show @ 5:52 via pin

Show celebrates and says that no one can beat him.

Live from Tulsa, Okla.

Your hosts are Joey Styles and Taz.

Jim Ross is ECW’s special guest this week, and he mentions Mid-South! Matt Striker struts out and says Ross lacks education. He berates JR for a while until Sandman comes out and lets JR give Striker a caneshot.

Eric Bischoff has some commercial time to talk about how his book is controversial and, therefore, creates cash.

Extreme Rules: Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly.
Van Dam dominates with his educated feet. He stops to play to the crowd, so Holly yanks him to the floor so they can brawl extreme style. Van Dam hits the stretch-across-the-barrier legdrop and gets a table, but Bobcore stops him from using it. Back in, Van Dam charges right into a boot. Holly beats on him for a while and then suplexes him off the apron through the table! OH MY GOD! We come back to find Holly with a sickening gash on his back. Holly won’t be stopped, though. He drops Van Dam’s throat on the edge of a chair. Van Dam is crazy to sell that. Holly sets the chair on Van Dam’s face and then drops an Alabama Jam on it. This actually is hardcore! Van Dam reverses a suplex and suplexes Holly on a chair. Van Dam follows up with a thrust kick and the skateboard dropkick to the face. ROLLING THUNDER! It only gets two, though. Van Dam goes for a monkey flip, but Holly counters to a powerbomb on the chair! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Van Dam tries to come back with the Five-Star, but Holly tosses the chair at his face! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Holly grabs the chair, but Van Dam kicks it back into his face and hits the Five-Star Frogsplash. ONE, TWO, THREE! Van Dam picks up the pin at 17:07! Spiffy little match. Holly gets a nice round of applause in the loss. ***1/2

CM Punk explains that he’s addicted to competition. Kelly Kelly interrupts to remind Punk that she’s going to be in the Diva strip poker game, but she can’t get into a casino to practice because she’s only 19. Mike Knox threatens to straighten Punk out once he’s done with Kelly.

Extreme Catfight: Ariel (w/Kevin Thorne) vs. Francine.
I like how the ring announcer has adopted Sting’s old entrance announcement. “This is…Ariel.” Ariel makes fun of Francine for being a fat hog or something and not having a manly man like Kevin Thorne. Francine jumps her, strips her, and tosses her around, prompting Thorne to get involved. Balls Mahoney runs down and brains Thorne with a chairshot. Ariel and Thorne run to the back. Nice body on the stripped down Ariel (and yes, I’ve seen her naked, and it is somewhat disappointing). [NR]

In the back, Rene Dupree checks out his own package in the shower. Oddly enough, Taz’s very next words are “That’s a genuine monster. That’s a giant!” But it’s just in reference to the Big Show…or is it?

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. The Sandman
We’re JIP to Sandman caning the everloving hell out of the Big Show. The cane, btw, is legal. Show finally disarms Sandman and slaps him around. Sandman tries to explode but runs right into a lariat. Sandman fires back but gets caught in the chokeslam. Sandy counters to a DDT and grabs the cane. Big Show gets beaten like a proverbial stepchild. I don’t actually remember a beaten stepchild in Proverbs, but I guess there was one. Oh, but Matt Striker comes out and steals the cane, allowing Show to finish with the shinno no make backbreaker and hog log at 5:42. Hardly a great match, but some good psychology with the cane. *

Final Thoughts: It started out really well with the Holly/Van Dam match. The rest of the segments were either rushed or didn’t have much substance to begin with. I was impressed with the Punk/Knox segment because it looked like they were actually arguing instead of cutting promos on one another. One good match is enough for a thumbs up this week.

Teddy Long is on the phone and is happy to be on the CW. King Booker and Queen Sharmell enter. The Queen is not happy, she shows Teddy the King’s hands, royal hands. Unsullied by the dirt of the common people. King Booker calls him THADIOUS! The King is insulted he has to face Vito, the man that wears a dress. He tells Teddy to look upon the Queen’s dress, a dress made by the finest hands. He will not sully himself in battle with Vito. Teddy says Vito is undefeated in the dress, but he has stepped aside. Queen Sharmell says that is good because King Booker would have SMOTE him! Teddy says he is now facing Undertaker. King Booker snaps back to “Booker T” mode and says, “AW HELL NAH DAWG! IT AIN’T GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!”

Cole and JBL welcome us to the show as Batista makes his way to the ring.

Batista and Lashley vs. Sir Finlay and Sir William Regal

Regal cheat shots Batista to start the match, but the big man gains control quickly and teases the thumb down. Finlay beaks it up and Batista gets a spinebuster for 2 on regal as Final is in to break that up. Lashley and Batista double suplex Regal and Lashley takes control. Snap suplex for 2. Tag to Finlay and a belly to belly on Finlay. JBL compares Lashley to Ron Simmons as far as power goes. Back breaker by Lashley gets 2. Finlay tosses him to the floor and Regal clotheslines him. Finlay in control now with stiff shots. Elbow drops now and a rear chin lock. Lashley fights back, but eats a clothesline. Regal back in and covers for 2. Knees and boots by Regal and another cover for 2. Tag to Finlay and a running shoulder ram to Lashley gets 2. Kicks by Finlay and then they double-team Lashley. Knee drops and then elbows by Finlay. Regal back in and an elbow to Lashley. Lashley fights back now, but a throw by Regal gets 2. Front facelock by Regal. Lashley fights…Regal kicks Batista and Finlay in and takes down Lashley. Batista in and he and Finlay brawl to the floor. Finlay sent into the crowd. Batista steals the Shillelagh and Lashley gets a spear on Regal for the win.

Winners: Batista and Lashley @ 7:33 via pin
Fun opener, anytime I get to see Finlay and Regal beat people down is a good day. **¼
JBL and Cole hype Rey vs. Chavo for later as well as King Booker vs. The Undertaker.

Back from commercial and Layla makes her way to the ring. She welcomes us to the season premiere of Smackdown. She dances.

Krystal makes her way out. She gets all pissy and she is tired of all the Diva Search winners doing what they please. It is obvious that she is the hottest on Smackdown, and she didn’t have to win some contest. She has a welcome for her and slaps her. A CATFIGHT ensues and Jillian is out. She rips off Krystal’s top and helps Layla up. Jillian then whops her ass and rips off her top. She clears the ring and takes off her top and celebrates.

JBL and Cole hype the rest of the show again.

A Rey vs. Chavo video package runs.

NON-TITLE MATCH: Gregory Helms © vs. Matt Hardy

Boots by Hardy begin things. He unloads on the Champ and takes him down with a clothesline. Helms back with a boot and then gets dumped over the top and to the floor. Slingshot plancha by Hardy. Back into the ring and Hardy in control. Elbows by Helms and a boot. Up top he goes and Hardy with rights. He goes up top…and helms stuns him off the top rope. Neck breaker by Helms gets 2. Punches by Helms and then chokes Hardy in the ropes. Stunner off the ropes and boots by Helms. Wrist lock and an arm drag by Helms. Cover for 2. Helms works a headlock variant while Hardy fights. Rights by Hardy and head butts, but a face buster by Helms allows him a cover for 2. Sleeper by Helms now. Jawbreaker by Hardy and he escapes. Sleeper again by Helms, but Hardy escapes. Helms to the 2nd rope but Hardy back with the side effect for 2. Elbows and a moonsault by Hardy gets a close 2! TOF try…Helms grabs the ropes and gets the SHINING WIZARD for 2~! Helms to the corner and takes off the pad. LOW BLOW by Hardy! 1…2…3!

Winner: Matt Hardy @ 5:42 via pin
 

Good little match here. I am digging the feud here, and they need to have Matt “officially” go back to “Cruiserweight weight” and challenge for the title. **

The Miz is backstage and is all crazy. He hypes all the shows he has been on, and he will remain undefeated when he delivers a reality check. HOO-RAH~!

Back from commercial and we see Jimmy Wang Yang. Right. He debuts next week.

Funaki vs. The Miz

They lock it up and Miz gets control with a headlock. Funaki escapes and Miz flips out and arm drags Funaki…HOO-RAH. JBL says Miz’s hair looks like a Red Rooster started kit. Glorious. Miz celebrates after a slam and mocks Funaki. Funaki misses a dropkick and stomps and chokes away at Funaki. Suplex, HOO-RAH! Reality Check neck breaker and that is all. I refuse to call it the “Mizzard of Oz.” HOO-ORF!

Winner: The Miz @ 2:36 via pin
 

Squash ½*

Rey is backstage and he says nothing has effected him like Chavo and Vicki’s betrayal. They ripped out his midget heart and raped his soul. But life goes on. Tonight is the first day of the rest of his life. Did someone buy Rey a “Profound Thoughts of the Day Calendar?”

Back from commercial as Cole and JBL hype that Cena is here.

Marine movie propaganda is shown.

Chavo Guerrero w/Vicky Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Chavo’s plugs are looking spiffy. They brawl at the bell. Chavo in control for a bit until Rey starts to fire back. Uppercuts by Chavo, but Rey with a head scissors takes him to the floor. Rey off the apron and a RANA to Chavo and they go over the barricade and into the crowd. They brawl back to ringside, and uppercuts by Chavo. Still in the crowd actually and Nick Patrick tries to regain order, but Rey dives off the bleachers onto Chavo. Patrick tries to stop it but they ignore him. Rey slams Chavo into the hockey boards. It’s TNA MAIN EVENT STYLE ™~! Back to ringside and Vicky checks on Chavo as they brawl more. Back into the ring and Vicky gives Chavo a chair but Rey dropkicks it into Chavo’s head. Vicky is in and goes to slap Rey but Chavo attacks. Blah more brawling and Patrick calls for help.

Winner: No Contest @ 4:43

They get separated and stare down. Nope, more brawling, yay.

Just a giant brawl to keep the angle going. *

Some blond French bitch welcomes us to the season premiere. I think that was Marse from the Diva Search.

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: London and Kendrick © vs. The Pitbulls (Kash and Noble) vs. KC James and Idol Stevens w/McCool

The Pitbulls and the Champs brawl before the other team can enter. Kash and Noble in control as BOBBY EATON…er I mean KC James and Idol make their way in. Kendrick in control with a leg lariat to Noble but KC levels him. Idol tags in and they double team Kendrick and cover for 2. Noble is in as it is 3-at a time and they knock London to the floor. Idol in control and beats down Kendrick and Noble. Nobel has enough of that and tags Kash in and they double team Idol. Kash in and he is rather pissed. Elbows and a cover for 2. Idol gets a roll up for 2. Tag to KC and clubbing shots to Kash and Kendrick. Kash fires back, head butts and Idol is in now to stop that. KC chokes out Kash as Idol then gets a snap mare and misses an elbow. Noble in and Kendrick is tossed to the floor. Rolling neck breaker to Noble. London nails Idol and a leg lariat by Kendrick. Noble misses a charge and a tag to London. Dropkicks and leg lariats for all. Elbows to Idol…double stomp as well. Cover for 2. Noble and Kash in and double team him…boot to Noble and McCool distracts the ref, brain buster by Kash. Sliced bread #2 by Kendrick. Top rope knee by Idol gets 2 as Noble saves it. Idol rammed to the steal. London escapes the tiger driver, KC clotheslines Noble and London gets a roll up for the pin.

Winners: London and Kendrick @ 5:40 via pin
Fun last minute to the match, but other than that it was just a collection of stuff. At least they have some fun tag teams. *¾

Backstage Elijah Burke introduces Turkay. He hypes his credentials. Turkay may have the biggest jaw of any man I have ever seen. He is Sylvester Turkay. What is sad is that Turkay IS an MMA guy, but he doesn’t make it look good in a pre-wrestling setting. While CM Punk and his “MMA” stuff is fake as shit but looks worlds better. Sad.

Back from commercial with clips of Batista in the Philippines.

Sylvan comes out to a big pop, no seriously he does. He talks French for a bit, JBL theorizes that he surrendered. I agree. I took French for 4-years, French I, French I, French II and French II and I can’t make out what he said.

Sylvan vs. Tatanka

Just so you all know, North Carolina does not claim Tatanka. They lock up and Sylvan in control early. Tatanka fights back, and the Frenchies hate him about as much as I do. Good on them. Suplex by Tatanka and then he works the back. Wow, people actually chanting for Sylvan. Chinlock by Tatanka, Sylvan fights, escapes and then chops by Tatanka. Sylvan totally botches whatever the hell it was he tried. It was some kind of spinebuster or uranage. Dropkick by Sylvan, spinning side slam gets 2. Sylvan tosses Tatanka to the floor. Sunset flip by Tatanka, Sylvan sit down and grabs the ropes for the win.

Winner: Sylvan @ 3:41 via pin

Tatanka complains after the match, I am complaining too for having to have watched that match.

How many times have they faced? I don’t even watch the show but even I know they have had like 20-matches in the last 13-weeks. Get this shit off my TV, both guys are about useless. This was brutal. (N-R)

Back from commercial with Teddy Long backstage. Cena is here. They hug and Teddy says it is all good. Cena wants to thank him or the contract offer, which got him his WWE Title match and title back. Teddy is happy for him, and says since he owes him, next week how about Cena team with Lashley and Batista to battle with Sir Regal, Sir Finlay and King Booker. Teddy says it will be huge, WWE champ vs. World champ in the same ring. Cena says they have a deal. They are going out for Chicken and Waffles, on Cena. Teddy dances. It best be ROSCOE’S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES~! With some gravy baby.

They hype the updated No Mercy Card:
-Sir Finlay vs. Batista
-Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero
-US TITLE MATCH: Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy ©
-WORLD TITLE MATCH: Lashley vs. King Booker ©

Mr. Kennedy comes out to do commentary for the match.

Back from commercial as King Booker finishes his entrance. Time for the Undertaker entrance, I will go make a soufflé and be back for the match.

WORLD TITLE MATCH: The Undertaker vs. King Booker © w/Queen Sharmell

They circle for a bit as King Booker tries to stay away. JBL and Cole put over Taker’s “Striking Ability” and Kennedy acts scared. King Booker runs from the ring but eventually gains control with rights. Boot by King Booker, but Taker clotheslines him to the floor. Taker slams King Booker to the steps and we head to a commercial @ 1:35.

Back from commercial @ 4:27 as Taker is in control with a big boot and cover for 2. Wristlock by Taker, he works the arm with elbows. Taker powers King Booker up with the one arm and drops him on his royal ass. Taker working the kidneys, and then back to the arm. Kennedy is great on commentary putting over his fear of Taker. Taker tries old school, but King Booker fights. Up with him…superplex try is countered and King Booker is head butted off. Queen Sharmell distracts the ref and a low blow, followed by the superplex by King Booker and the momentum has swung in a royal way. Kicks by King Booker and then he chokes Taker. A royal choke indeed. Scissors kick by King Booker and a cover for 2. Stiff rights by King Booker, and JBL lets us know that it is on like a pot of neck bones. Chops by King Booker and Taker to the floor. King Booker attacks off the apron and slams Taker off the steps. Back into the ring and a dropkick by King Booker and a cover for 2. Taker fights back with rights now. Off the ropes and a Royal DDT by King Booker gets 2. Dead Man Sit Up and King Booker with rights, but to no avail as taker battles back. Thumb to the eye by King Booker, misses the leg lariat and Taker with the big lariat gets 2! Snake eyes by Taker and a running big boot to King Booker! Leg drop and a cover for 2 by Taker. Taker GOOZLES King Booker! Elbow out and off the ropes with the leg lariat by King Booker! He cover taker and gets 2! King Booker stalks Taker…boot…and a Tombstone try, countered and King Booker escapes and LOW BLOWA Taker for the DQ.

Winner: The Undertaker @ 12:13 via DQ

King Booker has the title and NAILS Taker after the match. He and Queen Sharmell leave and Lashley is out and tosses King Booker back in. Taker is up now and GOOZLES King Booker! Chokeslam! He goes for the tombstone and nails it on King Booker.

Good match, probably the right thing to do for the “season premiere of the show. **½

Taker and Kennedy stare down after the match as Taker gives him the cut throat sign. They hype the 6-man for next week: Cena ©, Batista and Lashley vs. King Booker ©, Sir Regal and Sir Finlay.

The Tremendous Tirade: Well lets see what we had here. There was the solid opening with some star power to make a hot crowd, so that was good. Helms and Hardy was also good and I am liking where it is going. I’ll skip over Chavo vs. Rey since I hate that garbage. Miz is Miz, and Sylvan vs. Tatanka was painful. I think reintroducing Turkay was smart since they are banking on new viewers, so good deal. I liked that they had the tag title match here, but those guys need more time and on PPV in my opinion. They are building the card for the PPV very well so far, and if they can add a few more smartly build matches, this one could be a good event. The main event was good, and the commentary by Kennedy and JBL really put over the Kennedy vs. Taker match, while the Lashley run in helped add heat to their match. Fun show this week.
by 411mania.com

Big Main Event as King Booker takes on the dead man.

Finally, after a three week hiatis the Smackdown! Summary returns! I’m asking you to bear with as I’m suffering through a toothache while recapping Smackdown.

The Summary: Great show for the premier of Smackdown on the new CW network. This one episode of Smackdown had more matches than two weeks of Raw. Everything ran well except the whole Miz thing. That guy really blows. We actually have a tag division. Take that Raw. For once, the future of Smackdown looks promising.

September 16, 2006

Live from Toronto, Ont.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening Match, Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro (w/Melina) vs. Jeff Hardy.
JR mentions Hardy’s “undiscussed” absence from the WWE. Then again, he calls them the “Toronto Mapleleaves,” which is technically correct, but no one calls them that. This gets a surprising amount of time, and even more surprising is the fact that they actually look like they deserve investing this much time in. Hardy dominates with basic offense to start, mostly involving armdrags. Nitro bumps around like a maniac in between arguing with the referee. Melina breaks character when the fans shriek back at her. Nitro finally dropkicks Hardy off the top rope, nearly dropping him on his head. SWEEEET! Nitro jumps right on Jeff’s injured knee and works it like a…well, an actual wrestler. And it’s a good 4-5 minutes of legwork without getting boring. The crowd starts a big “Nitro Sucks!” which bodes well for him. There’s also a small “Let’s go, Nitro!” chant. Hardy comes back with the usual and blocks a huracanrana. Nitro SPLATS right on his face, allowing Jeff to hit the SWANTON! ONE, TWO, THRE-foot on the ropes. Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate, but Nitro counters with a single-leg and turns it into an anklelock. NICE! Who is this Johnny Nitro? Hardy shoves Nitro into Melina (who had climbed up on the apron) and schoolboys him for a close two. Nitro tries a rana off the top rope, but Hardy just DROPS him with a powerbomb! Oh, that’s sick. Unfortunately for Jeff, he falls up against the ropes where Melina SMACKS him with her boot. Nitro rolls over and covers for the win at 17:37. Nicely booked match. Someone must have took Jeff aside and explained to him that he had to obey the rules of psychology and physics this time out. Nitro looked great too. If he ever becomes anything in the industry, you can point back to *this* match as a turning point. ***

In the back, Team Extreme reunites as Jeff runs into Matt Hardy and Lita. Lita makes fun of them for being losers.

Kane vs. Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada)
Estrada’s intro is nearly as long as the match (and much more interesting). Umaga actually busts out a fat-ass Shining Wizard. I’m impressed. Kane takes the buttalanche but makes a big red comeback. They trade blows before Kane belly-to-bellies Umaga to the floor. They brawl out into the crowd and up the ramp Brody/Abdullah-style until they’re counted out at 7:02. It’s not such a scintillating feud that it needed to be stretched out. Typical big man match with the exception of Umaga trying to fly around on occasion. 3/4*

Vince and Shane McMahon bond and talk strategy.

WWE Tag Team Titles: Mikey & Kenny (w/the Spirit Squad) vs. The Highlanders.
The challengers isolate Mikey and target his arm. See, now that’s not so “unorthodox.” Nothing of note happens until Robby tries a suicida and misses everything but the floor. Robby plays face-in-peril for a long bit. I appreciate that all of these guys are athletic and all, but they’re not doing anything particularly interesting, and I never get the feeling that Robby is actually in trouble in the match. Indeed, he gets the hot tag to Rory who cleans house on the heels. In all the chaos, though, Johnny sneaks in and hits the Johnny-Go-Round (kick) on Rory. Kenny gets the win at 10:00. Bland, cookie-cutter match. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing right with it. Just average. **

Hell in a Cell: Triple H & Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & the Big Show.
DX takes Big Show out of the equation early with a double punt to the giblets. Shane pairs off with Shawn and gets his ass kicked. Hunter tries to stab Vince’s eye out with a screwdriver. Funny moment as JR chastises the King for inquiring about the rules. “There have been 14 Hell in a Cells, and I think we’ve called all of them!” Show finally returns and turns the tide in favor of the boss. Shane hits the Van Terminator on Triple H, busting Hunter’s ear injury open again. Long beatdown ensues, including a Vader Bomb (called as such) by the Big Show. Of course, Vince has to be an ass and pick Shawn up after several two counts. Hunter returns and saves Shawn from a beating, but Shane jumps him and gives him a Dick Driver. I was hoping for a Burning Hammer, but it didn’t happen. A Big Show splash accidentally hits Vince, and DX crotches Show on the ringpost. DX rages back and Pillmanizes Shane’s neck. Show recovers and introduces the ringsteps to the match. Unfortunately for him, Hunter introduces a chair to the match. Show gets knocked out, landing stretched over the ropes. Oh, this can’t be good. DX yanks down Show’s trunks and shoves Vince’s face in his ass for kicks. That makes Vince easy pickings for the Sweet Chin Music and Sledgehammer shot at 25:02. For something that was supposed to be hate filled, this came off more like a comedy match as they came down the stretch. I understand not wanting to show up Cena and Edge, but that doesn’t necessarily make this match any more worth seeing. It was slow and lumbering through much of the early going too. The only saving graces were the characterizations and facial expressions. **1/2

Recap of Trish’s career.

WWE Women’s Title: Lita vs. Trish Stratus.
Interesting that these two would meet now. They debuted in the WWE only a few weeks apart – Lita in February and Trish in April. Trish is obviously very emotional from the get-go, spazzing out and nearly tripping on the stairs. Trish gets a headscissors and a Thesz Press off the apron (ironically, the same move Lita hurt herself on last time). Another headscissors plants Lita on the outside. Lita comes back with a sleeper but takes some chops to the chest (WITH MULTIPLE LICKS!) Lita counters the Stratusphere, and they spill off the top rope. Lita tosses Trish back to the mat but misses the moonsault. Trish goes for Stratusfaction, but Lita dumps her to the floor so some 9 year-olds can tell her “she’s hawt.” Um, I think she knows by now. Trish wins a slugfest and hits the Stratusphere. CHICK KICK! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Trish goes for Stratusfaction but slips over into a sunset flip – and into a SHARPSHOOTER! The crowd goes nuts for that one. Lita taps at 10:35. Near-perfect booking here. Both women busted their asses for Trish’s last match and turned in a near MOTN. Give me genuine emotion over Vince tossing salad any day. ***

Randy Orton gets some cheap heat, calling Trish a “bitch.”

Randy Orton vs. Carlito.
You know, I never thought I’d type this, but these guys have the misfortune of following the Divas match. Stiff tie-up. Carlito spits in Orton’s face. He gets himself over with a springboard backflip into a dropkick. He goes way lucha with a springboard corkscrew senton and a quebrada for two. Randy starts bleeding from the mouth. Finally, Randy knocks Carlito off the apron down to the floor. Carlito comes back with a springboard back elbow. Orton goes for the RKO, but Carlito counters to the Lungblower. Carlito goes up top and comes off…right into the RKO at 8:44. Cool finish. The match was solid enough technically, but it lacked energy and intensity. **1/4

WWE Championship, TLC Match: Edge vs. John Cena.
Edge is the babyface as far as the crowd is concerned. Cena & Edge trade moves back and forth until Edge slaps the taste out of his mouth. Big pop for that. Edge gets an Impaler DDT but eschews the ladder in lieu of setting up chairs. His suplex is countered, but Edge comes up with a reverse DDT on the chairs! Edge sets up the ladder against Cena’s face and dropkicks it from the railing. Cena comes back with a hiptoss onto the ladder. They botch a spot where Edge is supposed to sunset flip Cena and powerbomb him through a table. Instead, Edge powerslams him through the table in a much cooler spot anyway. Edge smashes Cena with a chair and goes for the Con-chair-to, but Cena sweeps the leg. He sandwiches Edge in the ladder and locks in the STFU for the insignificant tapout. Cena drops the Five-Knuckle Shuffle on Edge from the ladder. Cena sets up a table but doesn’t see Edge recover. Edge pops up and KNOCKS CENA OUT with a chairshot! Edge sets up Cena in between two set-up tables and goes up. Unfortunately, Cena pops up and knocks him to the floor. Cena goes up, but Edge climb a nearby ladder and spears him off! Cena catches Edge going up and powerbombs him into a ladder! Cena goes up the big ladder, but here’s Lita to tip over the ladder and send him falling through a table below! INSANE! Edge goes up, but Cena recovers and jumps in the ring. Lita tries to help Edge out with a chairshot to Cena, but the challenger stumbles into the ladder and shoves Edge out and through the tables. MORE INSANE! FU to Lita! Cena thinks for a moment about going out and getting some more of Edge, but he decides to go up instead. Edge catches up with him, but Cena grabs him and FUs him through some nearby tables. The WWE Title is easy pickings from there. Cena picks up another title reign at 25:38. Another brutal, intense match from these two. The only problem is that most of the spots have been done before in other matches and the TLC concept has been taken as far as it can be without risking someone’s life. More good booking, though. Nice to see the agents are earning their money. ***3/4

Final Thoughts: I’m a little torn on the recommendation. There are three pretty good matches in there, and no really horrible matches. It does feel, though, like they piled in a lot of gimmicks in lieu of creating interesting stories for them. The Trish/Lita match had the most emotional heat behind it, but that falls under the “familiarity breeds contempt” category rather than anything they actually did during this feud. Call it a mild thumbs up for the TLC and Trish retirement match. Everything else is okay-to-good but unmemorable.

Mild Thumbs up for “Unforgiven 2006.”